A Family Tradition

In my family, like all families, we have a few holiday traditions.  Growing up, we had ham on Christmas Eve and Turkey on Christmas Day.  We would cut our own tree.  We would open presents on Christmas Eve.

You may be wondering why I am writing about holiday traditions in August.  The answer is because yesterday our family engaged in our most sacred, long running, and important (at least from my mother's point of view), family tradition.  We took the family Christmas picture.

For as long as I can remember, there was a family Christmas picture.  Back in the early days, this was a relatively simple affair involving my sister and me and our dogs.  It was over and done with pretty quick and you didn't complain because you were reminded that Santa would remember if you did.  Clearly, you weren't gonna roll the dice on that one.

Over the years, as husbands, wives, grandchildren, dogs, cats and fish have been added to the family capturing the family photo has become more complex.  Add in the fact that my parents are in Boulder, CO; my sister, her husband, and their 4 children are in Delano, MN; and Lisa, Maggie and I are often hanging out with Dick Cheney in "undisclosed" locations across the country and taking the family photo becomes a logistical nightmare requiring the quartermaster general skills of Major General Nathanael Greene. 

That nightmare used to be compounded by the fact that it was not enough to just show up.  No, no, no.  This photo had to be coordinated.  Khaki pants this year.  Red shirts that year.  Hula skirts the next year and lederhosen after that.  That's 6 adults, 5 kids, 4 dogs, 1 cat, and several fish (okay we don't really put the fish in the picture).  Now try to get them all dressed, cleaned, hair combed, and happy into a line.  Then try to keep them from diving onto the ground after the dogs run away for the fifth time while the photographer (usually some poor, unexpecting neighbor or friend who has been suckered into the task) struggles to compose.  Oh, and I forgot to remind you, you BETTER HAVE A GOOD ATTITUDE TOO!!!

While the family photo is still a REQUIRED tradition, the standards have fortunately been relaxed a wee bit.  Grandma doesn't require coordinated outfits anymore.  Pets are mercifully excused. But, you still better show up and you still better not complain . . . well too much.  Actually, we all complain.  In fact, we whine like babies.  That has become, as much a part of the tradition.  We march around the house ordering people out to the picture location.  We call grandma the general.  We groan, we moan, we make a big old stink out of it.  It is just part of the fun.  To make up for our whining, my mom now seeks to take advantage of every opportunity to take a family portrait.  This may be a bit of secret punishment for our complaining.  In fact, last nights picture was the 14th family photo we have taken this year.  She justifies this by saying things like: "well, Maggie was three months younger when we took the last picture, see how much she's grown?"  Or, "that last picture was just for me, this one is the ACTUAL Christmas picture."

So last night, we all lined up in t-shirts, shorts, flip flops, and bad hair to get the quarterly Christmas card picture taken.  And you know what?  It was actually, despite the required moaning and complaining, relatively painless.  We can thank digital photography for that. Grandma can see right away whether she has gotten what she wants.  In the old days, you burned through 13 rolls of film, just to be sure.

The last thing you need to know about the family picture is this.  It is classified.  Top secret stuff that is "eyes only" for Nana, right up until the cards go in the mail.  It doesn't matter if you are blood, you won't know if you have buggers hanging out of your nose until that baby arrives in you mailbox (and the mailboxes of the other 237 people who get a card.)

The great thing about long running traditions is you can add new twists to them to spice things up and keep it fresh.  This year, I decided to add a new component to the tradition.  I have decided to start to try to steal the picture before it goes to press and leak the photo (anonymously of course), to certain well respected press outlets.  In the first year of adding in this tradition, I am happy to report that I have succeeded.  I have successfully "obtained" the family Christmas picture from unnamed sources.

So, without further ado, I bring you the family Christmas picture in all of it's unvarnished glory.  No "Peace on Earth," no "Happy Holidays" or garland boarders to soften the glare . . . 

No, obviously that is not the family picture (at least as far as you know), that is just a picture of a cool caterpillar.  Did you seriously think I would show it?  No way.  I am not nearly that brave.  Because while the picture is a serious tradition, so is food, drink, and presents at Christmas time and I don't dare jeopardize that.